A 70 year old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.” The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is [...]
Continue reading …At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug”. She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.” A little later, he gives her a peck on [...]
Continue reading …A worried father confronted his daughter one night. “I don’t like that new boyfriend, he’s rough and common and bloody stupid with it.” “Oh no, Daddy,” the daughter replied, “Fred’s ever so clever, we’ve only been going out nine weeks and he’s cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.”
Continue reading …MAKING COFFEE Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It’s got to be hot. You’ve got to take your time. You’ve got to stir.. gently, and firmly. You’ve got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk. LAYING A CARPET Laying a carpet [...]
Continue reading …1. “The cucumber has left the salad.” 2. “Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.” 3. “Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.” 4. “Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.” 5. “Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!” 6. “Mini Me is making a break [...]
Continue reading …A little boy goes up to his father and asks: “Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?” The father replies: “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman [...]
Continue reading …Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, “F.F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E.F.” Out on the highway, he said, “F.F.” [...]
Continue reading …A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: “Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or [...]
Continue reading …The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!” “I don’t know what you’re talking about miss – that’s just my [...]
Continue reading …Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, “Are you looking at my pussy?” [...]
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