Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can’t see each other using sign language).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we [...]
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened [...]
A married couple was driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband was behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we have been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph.
She then says, “I don’t [...]
A couple visits the doctor’s office for the checkup of the man. aftar the checkup, the doctor called
the wife alone in the office and days the “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant [...]
One day , joe was sitting outside his local pub and enjoing a pint and generally feeling good about his life, when a nun atonce appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a great Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”
Now [...]
Barack Loves Thee
Barack loves Thee! This we know,
Katie Couric tells us so.
All our base to Him belong;
We are weak, but He is strong.
Yes, Barack loves Thee!
Yes, Barack loves Thee!
Yes, Barack loves Thee!
So do as you are told.
All Hail the Messiah
All hail the messiah Obama! Obama!
The path to the new socialist motherland!
Our savior, our savior Obama! [...]
Q. Why did the Secret Service double security on Michelle Obama immediately after the inauguration?
A. If something happened to her, then Barack would be in charge.
Q. Why will there two presidential limousines for the inauguration?
A. So Hillary won’t know which one he’s in.
Q. What is the difference between Barack Obama and Jimmy Carter?
A. Jimmy Carter [...]
It’s a funny thing about socialists; give one an inch and the next thing you know he’ll be president.
Obama says we should be proud to pay more taxes, but the funny thing is that most of us could be just as proud for half the money.
A funny Obama motto: “A penny saved is a penny [...]
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t care what color you are.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t want to take away your gun.
Beer is better than Obama because you’re sad if there’s no more beer.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t lie.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t have entitlement [...]
Obama is so pretty that he knows Victoria’s Secret
Obama is so pretty that he never has that “not so fresh” feeling
Obama is so pretty that he won’t give Hillary Clinton his phone number
Obama is so pretty that Michelle carried him over the threshhold
Obama is so pretty that the Navy won’t name a submarine after him
Obama [...]
Q. Why is Barack Obama jealous of Hillary Clinton?
A. She the one with the cojones.
Q. What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A. Deductible.
Q: What is a lawyer gone bad called?
A: Senator Obama.
Q Why is Oprah supporting Obama?
A She has a history of supporting frauds.
Q. What made Barack help a Chicago slumlord to [...]
Outpatient: Person fainted
Dilate: To live long
Artery: Study of paintings
Enema: Not a friend
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
Congenital: Friendly
D & C: Where Washington is
Fester: Quicker
Genital: Non-Jewish
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Post [...]
Once a Baptist missionary was traveling in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. “Oh Lord,” prayed the missionary, “Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion.”
And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: “Oh Lord,” he [...]
A Lion was eaten a bull and enjoying. He was so cheerful and opened his mouth and start roaring. He roared until a hunter came.
The moral of the story is:
When you are full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
An old lady goes to Dr. and says, “I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. The farts never smell and always silent. In fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here, and I bet you didn’t even notice!”
The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills [...]
