The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
“We have been trying for months now, doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.
“I am sure we will solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her.
“If [...]
A stereotypical black guy steps out of the shower in a college locker room.
An Asian guy checks out his penis and says, “How come yours is so huge? I would love to have one like that.”
The black guy laughs and says, “You can. Tie a heavy weight to it for a couple of weeks. It’ll [...]
Why is an alarm clock going “off” when it actually turns on?
-If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
-If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
-Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains [...]
Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A. There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.
Q. What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A. One was the first to walk on the moon and the other fucks little boys up the ass.
Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q. [...]
We all know how literally impossible it is to not offend SOMEONE these days, everyone is just SO FUCKING TOUCHY… So this guide will help you on how to speak about the opposite sex in a POLITICALLY CORRECT way…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she [...]
“This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
“If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe [...]
A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you [...]
There are four basic types of chain letters:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chain Letter Type IHello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starvinglittle boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents,and no pecker. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for everytime you pass this on, a dollar will be [...]
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: What was the blonde psychic’s greatest achievment?A: An IN-body experience!Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why should [...]
Our lager,Which art in barrels,Hollowed be thy drink.I will be drunk,At home as in the travern.Give us this day our foamy head,And forgive us our spillages,As we forgive those who spill against us.And lead us not into incarceration,But deliver us from hangerovers.For thine is the beer. he bitter and The lagerForever and ever,Barmen
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?”Child: “Moo!”Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”Child: “Meow.”Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!””I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only [...]
Q: What do you get when you cross a Jewish American Princess with a computer?A: A computer that never goes down on you.
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The [...]
A preacher while buying a parrot.
”Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?”
asked the preacher.”Oh absolutely.
It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him.
”Do you see those strings on his legs?
When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.””Wonderful!” says the [...]
