Home » 2009 » May (Page 2)

Sounds of the Wild

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A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?”Child: “Moo!”Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”Child: “Meow.”Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.” [...]

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Two lawyers walking in woods

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Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!””I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only [...]

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Q: What do you get when you cross a Jewish American Princess with a computer?A: A computer that never goes down on you.  

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A monkey in the Bar

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The [...]

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The preacher & The a parrot

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A preacher while buying  a parrot. ”Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?”  asked the preacher.”Oh absolutely.  It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him. ”Do you see those strings on his legs?  When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites [...]

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Result of 2 + 2 = ?

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An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before [...]

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If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer

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If you messed up your life, you could press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all  over!To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To add/remove someone in [...]

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Car Unlock Effort by blonde

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Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:  Blonde One: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!Blonde Second Blonde: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder! it’s starting to rain, and the top is down!  

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A Smart Dog

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A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.”An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins. “You dumb dog.” As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a [...]

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Act

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A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to attend to nature’s call in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found a beautiful fountain with foliage, and since nobody was watching, so he decided [...]

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