Home » 2009 » June

Perry Mason: In the cut scene

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?” The coroner said, “No.” The attorney then asked, “Did you listen for a heart beat?” “No.” “Did you check for breathing?” “No.” “So when you signed the death certificate you had not [...]

June 25, 2009 / Comments Off / Read More

Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

Never write a line of code that someone else can understand. Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counter intuitive names. Don’t ever code “a=b”, rather do something like: AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm)); Type fast, think slow. Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in macros. Bury the macros in include files. [...]

Continue reading …

Ice Fishing

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing. So early the next morning she got all her gear and headed out. When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There’s [...]

Continue reading …

Another drunk joke

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

There’s an englishman,a scottsman,and an irishman all sitting at a bar with pints in front of them.the bar is full of flies.one lands in the englishman’s pint.”oh,that’s repulsive”,he says and pushes his pint away.a fly then lands in the scottsman’s pint.the scott fishes it out,throws it,and slings back his pint. finally one lands in the [...]

Continue reading …

Saving the Oppossum

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down [...]

Continue reading …

A collection of people: the jury

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

Jury: A collection of people banded together for the purpose of deciding which side has hired the better lawyer.

Continue reading …

Upgratation of Boyfriend to 4.0

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

Last year, many women upgraded their BOYFRIEND 3.1 to BOYFRIEND PLUS 1.0 (marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0. They found that 1.0 is a memory hogger and incompatible to many other programs in their lives. HUSBAND 1.0 includes plug-ins such as MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS although [...]

Continue reading …

Always similar results

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License? A: Because she got an F in sex. Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!” [...]

Continue reading …

Stages of Drunkenness

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

Stage 1 – SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. [...]

Continue reading …

A champion jockey is about

June 25, 2009 Comments Off

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, ”All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do [...]

Continue reading …
Page 1 of 41234