Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. [...]
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde [...]
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The [...]
Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this “pretzel” hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!”
The wrestler nodded in [...]
I bought my wife a mood ring the other day.
When she’s in a good mood, it turns green.
When she’s in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on my forehead!
They crossed a Collie and a Lhasa Apso. The new breed is a Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
They crossed a Spitz and a Chow-Chow. The new breed is a Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.
They crossed a Pointer and a Setter. The new breed is a Poinsetter, a traditional [...]
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as [...]
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
Posted by Dirk in Computer Jokes at 18:06
The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says [...]
