At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as [...]
There’s an englishman,a scottsman,and an irishman all sitting at a bar with pints in front of them.the bar is full of flies.one lands in the englishman’s pint.”oh,that’s repulsive”,he says and pushes his pint away.a fly then lands in the scottsman’s pint.the scott fishes it out,throws it,and slings back his pint. finally one lands in the [...]
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. [...]
Drinker’s Alphabet
A is for Alcohol :The key to surviving college
B is for Beer :The most disgusting alcohol of all, but great for chugging
C is for Class :What you’re supposed to get up and go to after a Thursday night party
D is for Dancing :A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic
E is for [...]
What did one fag say to the other fag in the bar? Can I push your stool?
Guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a beer. At this point the bartender leaves to take care of some business in the back. As he is about to take his first sip someone says,
“Hey thats a great coat!”
He turns around and to his surprise no one is there. He shrugs it off [...]
Once a blond walked in to a bar and she seen a monkey sitting on abar stul she asked the bar tender y do you have a monkey on your bar stol the bartender says i know a very speical trick do you want to see it.the blonde says ya sure!
so the bartender pulls out [...]
There were 4 guys sitting in a bar. One of them decided to play a little game about what each of them thought was the fastest thing in the world.
Well the first guy says, “I think a Concord Jet is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of [...]
A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a glass of wine. The frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well.The frenchie asks the landlord, “What is that dirty camel doing in here?”
The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the camel [...]
A guy walks into a pub and says, ”Can you remove this steering wheel from my pants?”
The bartender says, ”Why is that there? Is it annoying?”
“Yes,” the man said, ”it’s driving me nuts.”
A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $8.
“But I already paid you! Don’t you remember?” says the customer.
“Okay,” says the bartender, “if you said you paid, then I suppose you did.”
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender [...]
A lady walks into a bar and says,” Barkeep, gimme a martooni.” The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, ”Barkeep, gimme another martooni.” So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn’t say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes [...]
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.””Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me.” [...]
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
“Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.
“Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
“You’re under 18,” replies the barman.
An insect falls into a mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new [...]
