A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.
He says, “Lady, that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid.”
The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor [...]
It has been studied and determined that the most often used
Sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs…
And the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Is It Better To Be a Jock or a Nerd?
$ Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
$ If he goes to see a movie, it’ll [...]
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”
Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno, Abe. But let’s make [...]
How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show.
The first candidate walks in, and the boss says, “This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?”
The guy says, “Well damn! You got no ears man!”
So the boss yells, [...]
Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children.
What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Man walks into the Doctors office.
“I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor.
The Man asks “How long do I have to live?”
“Ten”, replies the Doctor.
“What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?”
The Doctor Replies “Nine”
BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in “Our daughter’s computer cost quite a bit.”
BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill.
BUG - What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: [...]
5 secrets to romantic happiness
1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, cooks and cleans and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn’t lie.
4. It is important to find [...]
You so ugly when you were a baby, ya mama had to tie a pork chop around your neck just so that the dog would play with you.
On the twelfth day of AOL those buttheads gave to me,
12 reasons to cancel,
11 channels not working,
10 hours without mail,
9 frozen chat rooms,
8 hours of busy signals,
7 frozen IMs,
6 disconnections,
5 web crashes,
4 idiots at tech help,
3 error messages,
2 pieces of junk mail,
and a jerk cursing in a chat room.
You’re so stupid you tried to steal a free sample.
