Three blonds were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blond said “those are deer tracks”.
The second blond said “no, those are elk tracks”.
The third blond said “you’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.”
The three blonds were still arguing when the train hit them.
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that bar and get something to drink.” The other guy said, “We can’t go in there, we’ve got [...]
Once farmer & his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked the pilot of the plane, how much a ride would cost? “$10 for 3 minutes” replied the pilot.
“That’s too much.” said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If [...]
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder [...]
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, “Son, [...]
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.”
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa’s mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions [...]
The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor creature got its wing [...]
For all you dog lovers out there, here are some of the lessor known breeds that are being bred in different parts of the United States,
Crossbeed Dogs:
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese [...]
A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking.
“Yes,” the pet store owner said, “this bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions.” The deal was made and the parrot [...]
1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They’re totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They’re moody.
9) They leave [...]
The first worm says, “What kind of day is it?”
The other worm says, “You know, I don’t know, but I was thinking of going up and checking it out.”
The first worm says, “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you do that.”
So the second worm starts on his way up through the dirt.
At the [...]
The city fellow asked his friend the country boy to take him deer hunting, as he had never been hunting before. The country boy agreed to this, as long as the city fellow did EXACTLY what he was told to do.
The two men got their gear together and went into the woods. [...]
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
“Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”
“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get [...]
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The townsman watched as he slowly dismounted and tied his horse to the rail outside the saloon.
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don’t [...]
