Entertainment Blog » Adult Jokes

Jokes |Young Cowboy and Cowgirl

jokes — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:37:15 +0000

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other’s bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband’s penis. “Oh my”, she says, “What is that?”
“Well, darlin”, the cowboy says, “That’s ma rope”.
\She slides her hands further down and gasps.
“Oh my goodness. What’s them?” she asks.
“Honey, them’s my knots”, he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, “Stop honey. Wait a minute”.
Her husband, panting a little, asks, “What’s the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?”
“No”, the bride replies. “Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!”
jokes

JOkes | Farmers wife and her son

jokes — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:30:00 +0000

Through the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees her
son coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood,
and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a
little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his
mother says, “I saw what you did, young man! For
kicking the pig you’ll get no bacon for a week, and
for kicking the cow, no milk for a week.”
Just at that moment, the boy’s father walks through
the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.
The boy looks at his mother and says, “Do you wanna
tell him, or should I ?”

jokes

Jokes |Having Sex in Sabbath is Sin

jokes — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:28:30 +0000

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and
asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays.”

The man thinks: ” What does a priest know about sex?” So he
goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and
experienced in this matter.

He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is
work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority:
a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other
words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question,
then states, ” My son, sex is definitely play.”

The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so
many others tell me sex is work?”

The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have
the maid do it.”

?jokes

Jokes | A Mister & Little Girl

jokes — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:25:00 +0000

A little girl was walking along a beach in California when
she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper
covering his genitals.
The little girl said, “What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?”
The man said, “Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!”
The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.
Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain.
“Where the hell am I?”
A doctor replied, “Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergency
help, so we rushed you right over.”
“Well, what the hell happened to me?”
“We don’t know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happening
to you today?”
The man said, “Well, there was a little girl bugging me just
before I fell asleep.”
The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl was
still there, and she was. The person said, “Do you know what happened
to that nice man you saw here earlier?”
“Well,” the little girl said, “I started to play with that nice little
bird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,
broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!”
Jokes

Jokes| Camping on Weekend

jokes — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 06:41:07 +0000

Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in
one tent while the wives used the other.
At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, “Wow,
unbelievable!”
Which woke Ed.
“What’s going on?” said Ed.
“I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife.” said Ted.
“How come?” said Ed.
“To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my
life!” said Ted
After a pause, Ed said, “Do you want me to come with you?”
“Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?” said Ted.
“Because that’s my dick you’re holding,” said Ed.
Jokes

Jokes | Good Reply

jokes — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 06:49:45 +0000

A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feelinga little frisky,
reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and
says,"Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow." His hand then travels down to her
crotch, and he says, "Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."
His wife then reaches over and grabs his penis. "Father, if this could stay hard, we could
get rid of your brother.

Birth Control Pills

jokes — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 18:42:53 +0000

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”

The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”

Jokes: A Lady Goes to Her Parish Priest

jokes — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 10:01:50 +0000

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you
are embarrassed.” He thought a minute and then said, “You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots
whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in
the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying
that…that phrase in no time.” “Thank you,” the woman
responded, “this may very well be the solution.”

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s
house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out
in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?”

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and said, “Put the beads away,
Francis, our prayers have been answered!”
jokes

Jokes: Good Reply

jokes — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 09:58:45 +0000

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They
are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as
your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.”

She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 436.”
Jokes

“Penis Written on the Board”

jokes — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 15:35:12 +0000

The teacher walked into the classroom to find the word “penis” chalked in small letters on the board. She was a bit embarrassed, so she didn’t say anything, but rubbed it out and went on with the class.

But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again – “penis”, this time written slightly larger. So she rubbed it out again, and went on with the lesson.

Again next day, in larger letters, there was the word “penis” again. With a red face she rubbed it out and went on with the lesson.

Well, this went on for a whole week, every day the word penis getting bigger.

Finally, on Friday she went into the classroom to find chalked up: “See, the harder you rub it, the bigger it gets!”