“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”

She says, “No, I’m really a blonde.”

“I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”
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The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so.”

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

The pilot replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”

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Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

“Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?” the blonde asked.

The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, “Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me.”

“Oh good!” the blonde sighed in relief. “I’ll have two regular, two black, and two decaf.”
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The car keeps going back and forth, delaying traffic for miles until someone finally phones the police.

A police officer pulls the car over and approaches the window. A blonde rolls down the window. “Excuse me, ma’am, but is there any explanation for your reckless driving?” he says.

The blonde says, “Officer, I’m so glad you are here. There was a tree in the road, and I swerved. Then I saw another tree, and another, right in the middle of the road! So I had to swerve to keep from hitting them!”

The officer looks at her, then says, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener.”
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“Eleven”, she replies.

The sheriff thinks to himself, “Thats not what I wanted, but I guess she’s right!”

“What two days of the week begin with the letter T?” he asks.

“Today and Tomorrow”, the blonde answers.

The sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a correct answer that had not even occurred to him.

“Now listen carefully, who killed Abe Lincoln?” he asks her.

The blonde looks a little surprised. She thinks really hard for a minute and finally admits, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So, the blonde wanders over to the beauty parlor, where her pals are waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was exultant. “The interview went great!” she says. “First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”
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The next day, someone at her office told a dumb blonde joke and she immediately retorted, “Hey, I bet I know something that all of you don’t know. I know all of the state capitals which proves that not all blondes are dumb.”

The people in her office were somewhat dubious. One of her co-workers finally asked, “Ok, what’s the capital of Texas?”

The blonde smugly replied, “T.”
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They are all getting tired and happen across an old farm with a huge barn. Sneaking inside the barn, they see three old flour sacks. They all hide in separate sacks.

The police enter the barn and upon seeing the sacks, kick the first one containing the redhead. The redhead says “Woof!”.

“Nothing in here but a dog sarge” says the constable. “We’d better move on”.

They kick the sack containing the brunette. “Miaow!” she says.

“Nothing in here but a cat sarge. Better move on”.

They kick the sack containing the blonde and the blonde says “Potatoes!”
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The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.

The blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

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They arrive at the hunting cabin, and get all set up. The next day, the first hunter goes out. He returns with a big deer. The second two guys ask him how he did that. They can’t believe how big the deer is.

“It was easy. Found the tracks, followed the tracks, BAM! Shot the deer.”

The next day, the second hunter goes out, and comes back with an even bigger deer. The third guy’s eyes bug out when he sees it, and he asks him how he did it.

“Same thing the first guy did. Found the tracks, followed the tracks, BAM! Shot the deer.”

So on the third day, the last guy goes out to hunt. He doesn’t come back for a very long time. When he staggers into the cabin, rifle gone, all beat up and bruised, with only one boot, the other two are very surprised.

They ask him what happened.

“Well, I found the tracks, followed the tracks and BAM! Got run over by a train.”
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A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

The blonde replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, ‘You’ve got mail!’”
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