Entertainment Blog » Laywers Jokes

jokes|Law Partners

jokes — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 07:56:25 +0000

Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of
lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
“Damn,” he says. “I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” His
partner replies ” What are you worried about? We’re both here.”
jokes

Jokes | A Teacher , A Garbage Collector & Lawyer

jokes — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 06:16:24 +0000

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one
question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the
iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the
Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors that
this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people
died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered,
“about 1,500.” “That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”

Consultation fees

jokes — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 18:44:29 +0000

A lawyer’s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.”

“Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.”

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation

funny Lawyer joke

jokes — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 16:08:02 +0000

What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?

They grow taller.

Perry Mason: In the cut scene

jokes — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:25:02 +0000

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?”

The coroner said, “No.”

The attorney then asked, “Did you listen for a heart beat?”

“No.”

“Did you check for breathing?”

“No.”

“So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?”

The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.”

Send Me

jokes — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 07:05:43 +0000

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch – he couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer.”

Two lawyers walking in woods

jokes — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:08:04 +0000

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!””I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only have to outrun you.”

Result of 2 + 2 = ?

jokes — Sun, 17 May 2009 07:06:43 +0000

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, “Four.” The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was, “How much is two plus two?” Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, “Four.” The lawyer was interviewed last, and again the final question was, “How much is two plus two?” The lawyer drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and then whispered, “How much do you want it to be?” A variationA university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”

Lawyer At The Gates

jokes — Thu, 14 May 2009 17:14:56 +0000

A young lawyer was driving down the road in his new BMW. He had just been made a partner in the firm, and was feeling great about life. Then, all of a sudden he was standing at the pearly gates. “What happened?” he asked. “You died,” replied St. Peter. “How did I die, did I get in a wreck?” “No.” said Saint Peter. “A heart attack, did I have a heart attack?” “No” was the reply. “Then how did I die?” “You died of old age.” said the apostle. “What do you mean I died of old age. I couldn’t die of old age! I was only 36!” the young man cried. “According to your billable hours,” said St Peter, “you’re 112.”

You’re a lawyer if

jokes — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:50:01 +0000

You Might Be A Lawyer If….You are charging someone for reading these jokes. The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long. You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill. Your other car is a BMW. When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. When your wife says “I love you,” you cross-examine her.