“So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.”

The wife flared up. “You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?”

“Yes,” said the counsellor. “He gets $2,000. You get $2,000.”

“What about my furniture? I paid for that.”

“Same thing,” answered the counsellor. “Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen.”

There was a challenging gleam in the wife’s eye. “What about our three children?”

That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. “Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two.”

The wife shook her head. “No, I’m sure that wouldn’t work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn’t have the three I got.”

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, “Why the black panties?” She replies, “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.”

He knows he’s not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, “What’s with this … a black condom?” He replies, “I want to offer my condolences.”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s butt and say, ‘Lets do it!’ And, she’s always sound asleep.”

The other guy said, “You know, the was the most touching thing I’ve ever seen.”

The first guy answers, “Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!”

The husband replies, “No – I’m turning the heating off.

The Welshman said, “I’ve got fourteen children, one more and I’ll have a rugby team.”

The Englishman said, “I’ve got ten children, one more and I’ll have a football team.”

The Arabian said, “I’ve got seventeen wives, one more and I’ll have a golf course.”

“I’ll ask her,” the young man responded. He opened his door and called out, “Honey, would you like to see ‘Oliver Twist’ tonight?”

“Hey, Pal,” she retorted. “If you show me one more trick with that thing, I’m going home to mother.”

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying “Don’t worry, it’ll be up any minute now….”