But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again – “penis”, this time written slightly larger. So she rubbed it out again, and went on with the lesson.

Again next day, in larger letters, there was the word “penis” again. With a red face she rubbed it out and went on with the lesson.

Well, this went on for a whole week, every day the word penis getting bigger.

Finally, on Friday she went into the classroom to find chalked up: “See, the harder you rub it, the bigger it gets!”

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, “Why the black panties?” She replies, “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.”

He knows he’s not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, “What’s with this … a black condom?” He replies, “I want to offer my condolences.”

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

“It’s nice, but can it pick up peanuts?”

billy-bob: hey billi-jo…can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

…now its 11:00 at the police station…

billy-bob: hey billi-jo…can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

…now its midnight… and the power goes out…!!

billy-bob: hey billi-jo…can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>
wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button.

billy-bob: i know…:> and thats not my finger!!

A)They are both meat substitutes!!!!

Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?” The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, “Dad, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room.

She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, “What are you doing!?”

The husband replied, “I’m watching the ball game with my son-in-law.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband 7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”