A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?”
The coroner said, “No.”
The attorney then asked, “Did you listen for a heart beat?”
“No.”
“Did you check for breathing?”
“No.”
“So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure [...]
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn’t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a doctor, [...]
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!””I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only [...]
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before [...]
A young lawyer was driving down the road in his new BMW. He had just been made a partner in the firm, and was feeling great about life. Then, all of a sudden he was standing at the pearly gates. “What happened?” he asked. “You died,” replied St. Peter. “How did I die, did I [...]
You Might Be A Lawyer If….You are charging someone for reading these jokes. The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long. You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill. Your other car is a BMW. When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. When your [...]
A lawyer named ‘Strange’ was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
”Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer.
”Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. ”In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people [...]
Q. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day without fail. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first.
The [...]
A lawyer’s car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.
As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, ‘my mercedes, [...]
Jury:
A collection of people banded together for the purpose of deciding which side has hired the better lawyer.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”
“Well put,” the judge replied. [...]
An attorney passed on and found himself in Heaven. Not at all happy with his accommodations, he complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment.
The attorney immediately advised St. Peter that he intended to appeal. The attorney was immediately informed that it would be at least three [...]
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. [...]
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. Soon, he became dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, they had flush toilets, air conditioning, escalators. The engineer was a pretty popular guy.
One day God called to Satan and said with a sneer, “So, how’s it [...]
