A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.
“So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.”
The wife flared up. “You mean [...]
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, “Mama! I [...]
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. [...]
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation [...]
Two guys were out on the golf course. As one of them was teeing off at the 10th hole, which was next to the highway, he saw a funeral precession go by. Instead of teeing off, the guy removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed.
The other guy said, [...]
A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, “I’m going to the pub. Get your coat on.”
The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, “Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?”
The husband replies, “No - I’m turning the heating off.
Once A Welshman An English man and an Arabian were sitting in a bar.
The Welshman said, “I’ve got fourteen children, one more and I’ll have a rugby team.”
The Englishman said, “I’ve got ten children, one more and I’ll have a football team.”
The Arabian said, “I’ve got seventeen wives, one more and I’ll have a golf [...]
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, “I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your bride would [...]
Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?
Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.
The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.
And the third was in Tech [...]
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
–Robin Williams
A husband is at home watching a football game when his Wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? Its been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I dont think so.”
“Well [...]
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, “Thats quite a heavy drink. Whats the problem?”
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, “I found my wife in bed with my best friend.”
Wow,” says the barkeep., “What did you do about it?”
“I walked over [...]
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can’t see each other using sign language).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we [...]
A married couple was driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband was behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we have been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph.
She then says, “I don’t [...]
A couple married thirty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said,
“Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here thirty years ago.”
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the [...]
