The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts.
After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath [...]
We all know how literally impossible it is to not offend SOMEONE these days, everyone is just SO FUCKING TOUCHY… So this guide will help you on how to speak about the opposite sex in a POLITICALLY CORRECT way…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she [...]
Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.
“Nice pigs, sir!”
“Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs — they’re Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.”
“Nice trade, sir!”
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public [...]
One day, God sent three politicians, Clinton, Ghandi and Mahatir to Heaven by mistake. So he told them, ‘I’ve sent the three of you here too early. You aren’t suppose to die yet. Therefore, I’m going to send you back down and before that, you can ask me a question that you want to know [...]
It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.
I promptly added: “Send Michelle money every month.”
A few days later my brother wrote: “Make payments on car for Jason.”
Then my boyfriend joined in with: “Buy Tom a Jeep.”
Finally my father added a new goal to [...]
President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency:
Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”
“Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘help you,” replied the Prime Minister.
“I do need your help,” said Clinton. [...]
Iraqi TV Guide
MONDAY
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 Allah McBeal
TUESDAY
8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror
8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it’s Right
9:00 Children are Forbidden to [...]
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:
“Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.”
“That notion is ridiculous!” mocked George Jr. “It doesn’t matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!”
1. I’ll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
3. I’ll finish what Bill started — the interns.
4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
6. I promise no sex scandal: just look at [...]
George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems.
“Dubya,” said his PR guy, “We’ve got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college.”
“It’s true,” replied Bush, “but it isn’t my fault. My parents were rich, and I [...]
Did ya hear what President Clinton had to say about the Abortion Bill?
Ah thought ah paid it!
George and Laura are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming.
One of the President’s cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point George stands up and throws Laura out onto the field.
The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, “No, sir, what I said [...]
Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You’re Invited To A Dinner Party At His Secret Afghan Lair, by Alan Meiss
Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious.
Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, “Doesn’t that sound a lot like a B-52?”
Ask him if he’s looking forward to [...]
One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word “tragedy.”
“Well,” one girl replied, “If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!”
The President smiled at the [...]
