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“President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can’t even get this in Florida.”

“President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I’m thinking, well, hell, he didn’t need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.”

“In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, and education – anything that’s needed. Isn’t that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda – and it’s for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if [...]

“The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you’re not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain.”

“It was reported that two of Osama bin Laden’s sons were apprehended in Afghanistan, but President Bush is not gloating, he said he knows how embarrassing it is when your kids get arrested.”

“I’m glad you all recovered from the president’s press conference last night.  Did you see that press conference? I don’t want to say there’s nothing new there, but at one point the closed captioning actually said ‘blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.’ …The president was so subdued and there were so many long pauses, the Washington [...]

“I read that the president was interrupted 73 times by applause and 75 times by really big words.”

“According to the Associated Press, there’s a rumor that Saddam Hussein is now hiding weapons in schools. When asked why, Saddam said, because a school is the last place President Bush will look.”

“A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The National Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti-war organization called ‘Books Not Bombs.’ President Bush’s response: ‘Why do you want to drop books on them?’”

I am Saddam. Saddam I am. I am the ruler of Iraq, The country that you would attack. You are Bush. Bush you are. The fame of you has spread afar. You do not like me, Bush, I know. You would not like me in a show. You would not like me in the snow. [...]