Outpatient: Person fainted
Dilate: To live long
Artery: Study of paintings
Enema: Not a friend
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
Congenital: Friendly
D & C: Where Washington is
Fester: Quicker
Genital: Non-Jewish
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Post [...]
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are walking along their island beach when one sees a bottle lying on the ground.
It turns out there’s a genie in it so they each get one wish.
The brunette says: “I miss my family, I wish i was home again.”
With a puff of smoke she disappeared. The redhead [...]
Guns don’t kill people. Dumb-ass, shit-for-brains, rednecks with no jobs kill people.
You might be a redneck if you think “wind sprints” means running from a fart.
What would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? The answer is clear: menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event. Men would brag about how long and how much.
Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.
Congress would fund a National [...]
redneck teacher decides to give her class a small pop quiz around Halloween.
“Okay, how many of you have seen a ghost?” About 30% of the class puts their hand up.
“Okay, how many of you have actually touched a ghost?” About 10% of the class puts their hand up.
“Okay, how many of you have had sex [...]
In a small redneck town in the middle of nowhere sat a lonely bartender in an empty bar. As he was getting ready to close down, three ducks walked through the front doors. They waddled on over to the bar and grabbed a stool.
The bartender walked over them looked at the first duck and said, [...]
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is “Huntin”.
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can [...]
# your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
# you have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
# your firehouse has wheels.
# you’ve ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
# Fire training consists of everyone standing around a [...]
Collards is green
my dog’s name is Blue
and I’m so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue’s
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant [...]
What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?
“Hey ya’ll. Watch this!”
You might be a redneck if your house still has the “WIDE LOAD” sign still on it.
You might be a redneck if you’ve been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You might be a redneck if the centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.
You might be a redneck if you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it’s wheels.
