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There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true. Winston Churchill There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never! Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out. Mae West There are three ages [...]

I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you. Groucho Marx I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. Groucho Marx I’ve often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me. Woody Allen Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much [...]

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting. Mark Twain I have nothing to declare except my genius. Oscar Wilde I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. Winston Churchill I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan [...]

I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself. Mae West He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a political career. George Bernard Shaw Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. Woody Allen He may look like an [...]

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock. Will Rogers Communism is like prohibition, it’s a good idea but it won’t work. Will Rogers Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off. Ralph Bus Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire. George Bernard [...]

“I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America, which didn’t turn out very well the the Native Americans.” Stephen Hawking “Riverdale has always been a safe world for everyone.” Jon Goldwater “Television has become predictable, vulgar and nasty.” Joan Collins. “Planes have to put up with sandstorms in [...]

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there’s a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, “Waitress, there’s a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what [...]

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?” Embarrassed the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, I”m only here to wash your face and hands.” He [...]

What happens when a lawyer takes viagra? They grow taller.