Young Girls Jokes
What’s the difference between a drunk driver and a woman driver?
One’s a menace to society, the other’s a drunk driver.
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Why do women have two holes so close together?
So that when they’re drunk you can turn them over and carry them home like a six pack.
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What’s invisible but breaks old women’s bones?
Osteoporosis.
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What’s the useless mound of flesh around the nipples?
The woman.
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What’s the difference between your job and your wife?
Your job still sucks after 10 years.
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Why do women have faces?
So you know which c**t is yours…
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Two women friends had gone out for a Girls’ Night Out and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the c**ktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn’t want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other husband and said, “These damn girls’ nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.”
“That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station, We’ll never forget you!’”
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How many men does it take to wash the dishes?
None. It’s woman’s work.
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Element Name: Woman
Periodic Chart Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Ma*s: Generally accepted as 110 lbs., but known to vary from 60 to 550 lbs.
Occurence: Copious quant*ties in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2. Boils with no provocation.
3. Freezes up solid unexpectedly.
4. Melts if given special treatment.
5. Bitter if incorrectly used or ignored.
6. Yields to pressure applied to certain points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones such as diamonds, rubies and sapphires among others.
2. Absorbs great quant*ties of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning or reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green with envy when placed beside a better specimen.
3. Defies proper aging a**lysis techniques.
HAZARDS
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time although several can be maintained at different locations as long as the specimens do not come into contact with each other.
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How many women with PMT does it take to change a light bulb?
YOU TELL ME, MR SMARTARSE!!
AND, IF YOUR SO SMART, YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN f**kING TEA!!
I’M GOING TO MY MOTHER’S!!
